Growth-

 This post will go along with the theme of the last one on companionship. Call me crazy, but I’m still optimistic on finding my community. But, I’ll be honest, a big part of me is not so much. Let me get into that more. 

Lysa Terkeurst’s quote, “People with growth mind-sets see their abilities, talents, skills, relationships, and intelligence with potential. Where they are today is a starting place, not a finish line. Things can get better. They can grow and develop and persevere to get to improved places.” 

If she didn’t just describe how your brain works, she sure did for me! I used to think it was the eternal optimist in my maternal genetics showing through, but my brain works much better in a growth mind-set rather than a fixed mind-set. I equate it to survival of grade school, but I still to this day can not stay in “stuck” for long. Don’t get me wrong, I sure have bad days and negative moods, but I can not physically and especially mentally stay in that state for very long. I much prefer light. I much prefer a strong work ethic over helplessness. And joy and happiness over my depression. Perhaps it’s a gift or something. But right now it doesn’t feel like that. 

Much like in my last post, I feel like I’m all alone or mostly alone in trying. In my job, with friendships, family relationships outside of my marriage and parenting. I feel like I’m the one who is always trying the hardest. Or wants more. I do try hard because of two reasons: lack of effort- breaks and my growth mind-set. There I go again with that word- growth. Much like a crop, plants don’t grow without help. Help from many different factors right, but this isn’t meant to be a post on growing plants. Rather the space for others like me to voice our frustration, loneliness, and helplessness even. Sure, I can invest in myself in a growth mind-set, but what about the other relationships in my life? What about the friendships and relationships that I’ve invested in that feel very one-sided? Do I give up? Let them go? Or feel lonely with and now without them? Blood relatives aren’t so easy to let go of, right? 

I’m spiraling a bit here; and before I go too far, I’ll just end by saying that while I’m optimistic for growth and companionship in my life, I’m also sad and disheartened by my current situation. Will others start channeling their inner growth mind-set too and simply try harder? And will it really get better?