Impact (Food for Thought)

 I think I’m at a point in my life where I keep trying to make my world feel better. My family, my friends, my community. Everything I touch so to speak. My goal is to make others feel better. For others to feel good when they are with me when and where I can. To feel taken care of. But here’s the truth, I instead feel like I'm still waiting to feel that from others for myself. Will it always feel like I care the most? Will it always feel like I put in the most effort? Will it always feel heavy carrying this burden to keep trying all the time? 

Sometimes I wonder what my world would look like if I stopped trying completely. Would I feel better? Would others step up or would I be even lonelier? 

Why do I try so hard? Why do I keep putting myself out there? Why do I keep checking in? 

Was I made this way on purpose? Okay, that’s stupid to ask! Better question, was I made to constantly wonder where I stand with others? Was I made to feel left out or held to a different standard? Perhaps others are okay with dropping balls and letting others down. How does one do that? 

I woke up to this devotional above and it’s not to say that I still don’t feel like I did when I wrote this. Perhaps my prayers are more along the lines of not only how can You use me, but how can I be fed in the process? I’m feeling disconnected and discouraged. I simply can’t be the only one trying or checking in anymore. Better yet, how about acknowledging what I do. 

Anyone else?! 

 (Originally written September of 2022)