I believe I have started one of these posts in a similar way of stating that it has taken me longer than I care to admit-
Let me explain when I say, that for the first 25 years of my life, I’m gracing myself 6 years, I carried around my mistakes like tattoos all over my body. The concept of forgiveness was not for this one weak-hearted, me. I some how spent the latter years forgiving others but not myself. How messed up is that! I carried everything around wherever I went, and instead of being hypothetical baggage, it was real and in the shape of stress and worry. I literally would replay everything I’ve ever said that I marked as not appropriate or stupid. I let society and previous experiences be my filter too. What’s kind of ironic about the whole thing is that it took being treated down right awful by a blood relative for me to sort of wake up and take control of my life. Perhaps it was being handed a situation where for the first time I had to face the disappointment and forgive someone else for everything they had said. I had to face the reality that no matter how I tried to be the person I thought they wanted or even the person I thought I wanted, the fight still happened; they felt justified. More so, it was because for the first time I replayed what they had said over and over, instead of my own words, and carried those hurt feelings with me for an entire year. Forgiving them then felt harder than forgiving myself. It was so hard in fact that it forced me to well, you know, change. And like any change goes, it takes effort and even exercising what I have now dubbed as:
Acknowledge
Process
Pray
Release
Let me explain a bit,
-Acknowledge my feelings and reactions.
-Process them. Talk and write about it.
-Pray about it.
-Release. Let it go. Move on.
If it’s a really tough situation like the one I mentioned earlier, repeat the process. Stop the cycle of thinking about it. Stop the cycle of worrying and carrying it around forever. I’ve had two really hard situations hit since starting this method and instead of lasting a year, it lasted a day. I truly believe that any time I’m faced with a situation that forces me to react at all, I’m better each time I go through these steps. I used to think that mistakes and hard moments had to be scars left behind. While they are usually life pivoting, they don’t have to affect how I function- daily. The beautiful thing about my experience I mentioned before, it woke me up. It doesn’t make what happened okay by any means. I would still be better off without their words, but it made me better in the end. I learned and changed in the process, so maybe one day I’ll thank them for that gift.
It’s never too late to start-
Trust me,
Sara
Let me explain when I say, that for the first 25 years of my life, I’m gracing myself 6 years, I carried around my mistakes like tattoos all over my body. The concept of forgiveness was not for this one weak-hearted, me. I some how spent the latter years forgiving others but not myself. How messed up is that! I carried everything around wherever I went, and instead of being hypothetical baggage, it was real and in the shape of stress and worry. I literally would replay everything I’ve ever said that I marked as not appropriate or stupid. I let society and previous experiences be my filter too. What’s kind of ironic about the whole thing is that it took being treated down right awful by a blood relative for me to sort of wake up and take control of my life. Perhaps it was being handed a situation where for the first time I had to face the disappointment and forgive someone else for everything they had said. I had to face the reality that no matter how I tried to be the person I thought they wanted or even the person I thought I wanted, the fight still happened; they felt justified. More so, it was because for the first time I replayed what they had said over and over, instead of my own words, and carried those hurt feelings with me for an entire year. Forgiving them then felt harder than forgiving myself. It was so hard in fact that it forced me to well, you know, change. And like any change goes, it takes effort and even exercising what I have now dubbed as:
Acknowledge
Process
Pray
Release
Let me explain a bit,
-Acknowledge my feelings and reactions.
-Process them. Talk and write about it.
-Pray about it.
-Release. Let it go. Move on.
If it’s a really tough situation like the one I mentioned earlier, repeat the process. Stop the cycle of thinking about it. Stop the cycle of worrying and carrying it around forever. I’ve had two really hard situations hit since starting this method and instead of lasting a year, it lasted a day. I truly believe that any time I’m faced with a situation that forces me to react at all, I’m better each time I go through these steps. I used to think that mistakes and hard moments had to be scars left behind. While they are usually life pivoting, they don’t have to affect how I function- daily. The beautiful thing about my experience I mentioned before, it woke me up. It doesn’t make what happened okay by any means. I would still be better off without their words, but it made me better in the end. I learned and changed in the process, so maybe one day I’ll thank them for that gift.
It’s never too late to start-
Trust me,
Sara
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