Logging Off

I’ve realized lately that even though I’m no longer in my teens, gosh not even in my 20’s, that I am still figuring out who I am. I’m not quite sure if it’s normal to feel this way, but more than ever I am fighting to figure out what makes me feel, well me. I recently was at a wedding reception and I found myself easily talking to people I didn’t really even know that well. We mostly shared in common just the two people we were celebrating.  However, we connected and laughed in ways that truthfully I haven’t exercised in awhile. Little did they know that normally I struggle. I’ve secretly been fighting anxiety and scary change with some of my closet relationships. Little did they know that despite being married with kids and more socially connected online than ever, I’ve felt lonely. Some of the loneliest days of my life. Those feelings have led to me to a completely new place. The one where I finally got off the ride and started taking action of my emotions. The one where I took a look around and reevaluated those I hold dear. It feels a bit ironic writing this here, but after deleting all my social media accounts, I feel as if I broke free from my chains. I realized in doing so, that the people who mattered the most I didn’t connect best through those accounts anyways. Anything that was hard for me I didn’t share publicly, so why was I letting social media distract me from what was right in front of me? In deleting my life online, I’ve discovered a happier and much more intentional one.