Breaking the Mold
The latest episode of This is Us was powerful and caught me by surprise Tuesday. If you are not familiar with what I am talking about, I’ll just lead this post with saying that Kate’s ex boyfriend Mark’s bi-polar behavior was all too revealing about my own past. It was in watching it that I more than once surprised my own self- and I’ll dive into what I am referring to in this post. Just a quick discloser; I am in no means implying that I am better than anyone in a similar experience or have been magically cured. I am not excusing my own ex’s behavior or mental issues, just that I am simply stating my side of my story and how the characters in This is Us can be relatable.
I will start off by saying that while watching the episode I quickly discovered how far I have come. This was the first part that surprised me. What I mean by that is, normally watching something like this would have triggered me in the past. It would left me spiraling, blaming, and feeling guilty and or depressed. My mental health was not an issue until I began a relationship with my ex-boyfriend and is something that I now take very seriously, but have not talked about with very many people openly. I have been with my husband for almost 9 years now and have been working on healing and growing since then. He in many ways has been the driving force behind my journey to forgiveness and living a healthy life. I think in many ways it has helped that my husband was not apart of my past that shares those experiences and is not my ex as a person in any way. In every other sense, it has been that I no longer have any communication with my ex and that I have been focusing on my own health especially since I had my daughters. I quickly realized that becoming a mom, the one I wanted to be, meant that I had to deal with my past. For a long time I tried to bury it; often carrying most of the blame and guilt. While I am human and certainly made many mistakes in my past relationship, I can no longer put my ex’s choices and actions and carry them on my shoulders as my own wrong doing. The second part that surprised me while watching the episode, was how long I had blamed my past self for my ex’s mental health. In seeing the character Kate’s experience, I realized how it had nothing to do with my personality or mistakes that caused my ex’s behavior or actions. His mental health is apart of him with or without me- period.
I am struggling with how to end this, but I will say that I do think bi-polar or mental health can be apart of a relationship as long as it is being taken care of. Towards the end of my relationship, my ex was no longer taking medications properly or at all. For almost a year prior to us ending things, I thought that I had ”made my bed” so to speak because I loved and cared for him, and therefore needed to stay. I was worried that even though he had become physically and verbally abusive to me, that his metal state was literally in my hands. I am sharing this not because I want sympathy or to publicity shame him, but instead I do want to make crystal clear that some relationships are better apart and cannot be saved. For many years after, I blurred the lines on what was best for me in thinking I was doing the best for him. I truly believe that taking care of yourself is and has to be the most important thing!
Let’s let mental health be something that’s being treated instead of hidden and or being judged about-
I will start off by saying that while watching the episode I quickly discovered how far I have come. This was the first part that surprised me. What I mean by that is, normally watching something like this would have triggered me in the past. It would left me spiraling, blaming, and feeling guilty and or depressed. My mental health was not an issue until I began a relationship with my ex-boyfriend and is something that I now take very seriously, but have not talked about with very many people openly. I have been with my husband for almost 9 years now and have been working on healing and growing since then. He in many ways has been the driving force behind my journey to forgiveness and living a healthy life. I think in many ways it has helped that my husband was not apart of my past that shares those experiences and is not my ex as a person in any way. In every other sense, it has been that I no longer have any communication with my ex and that I have been focusing on my own health especially since I had my daughters. I quickly realized that becoming a mom, the one I wanted to be, meant that I had to deal with my past. For a long time I tried to bury it; often carrying most of the blame and guilt. While I am human and certainly made many mistakes in my past relationship, I can no longer put my ex’s choices and actions and carry them on my shoulders as my own wrong doing. The second part that surprised me while watching the episode, was how long I had blamed my past self for my ex’s mental health. In seeing the character Kate’s experience, I realized how it had nothing to do with my personality or mistakes that caused my ex’s behavior or actions. His mental health is apart of him with or without me- period.
I am struggling with how to end this, but I will say that I do think bi-polar or mental health can be apart of a relationship as long as it is being taken care of. Towards the end of my relationship, my ex was no longer taking medications properly or at all. For almost a year prior to us ending things, I thought that I had ”made my bed” so to speak because I loved and cared for him, and therefore needed to stay. I was worried that even though he had become physically and verbally abusive to me, that his metal state was literally in my hands. I am sharing this not because I want sympathy or to publicity shame him, but instead I do want to make crystal clear that some relationships are better apart and cannot be saved. For many years after, I blurred the lines on what was best for me in thinking I was doing the best for him. I truly believe that taking care of yourself is and has to be the most important thing!
Let’s let mental health be something that’s being treated instead of hidden and or being judged about-
Comments
Post a Comment