-BFF (Broken Friends in the Future)

 Friendship is something I have not only talked about here before but also something I have unpublished about too. It’s not that what I wrote previously no longer matters, but that what I said felt more bitter than polished and therefore felt easier to hide while I dealt with all the feelings of my friendship suddenly imploding four years ago. Or perhaps it had been unraveling for years. Either way, I’d like to think that I’m in a better place now, but just yesterday a text sent me in a spiral over the same person who I “unpublished” about. 

I knew this day would come. That she would move on. You see we all know we should wish those that have hurt us- well (love and light) but deep inside also wish they could suffer a little too for eternity. Karma at its finest. And if you don’t, well I’ll do a little of both for all of us. 

We had been friends but closer to sisters for over a decade. We shared so many inside and raw/hard moments that I was confident would follow us not only into adulthood but to old age too. We would have rocked the rockers in our eighties! It was stuff that made us closer to war buddies in a way; each having scars (hers physical and mine mental). She was my made of honor. 

But I was married with kids now. She was dating. I wanted phone calls. She was okay with “liking” each other’s posts on social media. Instead of staying like family, we drifted. They (whoever “they” are) said it was normal. Friends grow apart. I’d beg to differ. Does family grow apart? I pictured us always being there for each other even if we couldn’t be together in person. I pictured her being there for me as a navigated my toughest season just as I had for her in high school. But letting me go was how she responded. It hit me like a brick wall. Why wouldn’t she want to be there for me? Why wouldn't she want to see my girls grow up? 

She’s engaged now. That’s the text that sent me, well you know.. 

It’s not like it was her even telling me the good news. Damn social media. Damn my brother’s text telling me. 

But it’s a life now that I’m no longer apart of. A future spouse that I not only don’t know, but one that also doesn’t know me. I should be standing next to her just as she did on my special day. Does she wish I was? 

Asking for a friend,