Seven
In just a short couple of weeks it will be my wedding anniversary. Seven to be exact. Call it the seven year itch, and I will say, more like a seven year niche. What I mean is that I finally feel like we are in a good place. One that even in hardship, makes me feel thankful for my life with Adam. My friend got married recently, and her now husband asked me how we “make it work.” I’m really the last person that should be giving advice, seven years is still a young marriage, but I told him exactly what I’m about to share here. Look at it as more of my thoughts than advice, really-
Let me start off by saying that I truly like and love Adam more now then when I first started dating him. It sounds a little bit cliche but it’s true. I remember thinking in the beginning that every fight meant something was wrong with us. I was either too busy comparing us or wishing for a better future self instead of being in the current state. I should have been fighting for us instead of for myself, and forgiving instead of thinking of words I couldn’t take back. Our situation might be unique, as in not everyone starts off marriage with big loss like we did; but, what I have come to realize is that hard, big or small, is still hard. Honestly, our miscarriage felt just as hard as losing my -very much alive- best friend. Losing my mother in-law to cancer felt just as hard as having my own mother diagnosed and now living with cancer. Having a sick kid felt just as hard as a bad work meeting. What I mean by sharing these examples from my own life, is that each and everyone of those situations brought hardship and sadness into my marriage. They were all life pivoting, and had we allowed them to come between us, it would of eventually destroyed my relationship with my husband. However, it was after I had two children of my own that I realized that grief isn’t the only communication killer. Busyness is just as guilty. It was then that I finally understood why and how some marriages fail. Without sounding too harsh here, being someone’s partner for X amount of time does not give the right to stop trying, to stop communicating, or to stop caring- period.
It was when I truly started focusing on my relationship and who my partner was, instead of who I wanted or what I thought our marriage should look like, that we were able to feel connected and content in ways we hadn’t before. It was when I started appreciating him and our current life and showing up for my marriage every day no matter what, especially in the hard moments, that has really “made us work” for seven years now and counting.
Let me start off by saying that I truly like and love Adam more now then when I first started dating him. It sounds a little bit cliche but it’s true. I remember thinking in the beginning that every fight meant something was wrong with us. I was either too busy comparing us or wishing for a better future self instead of being in the current state. I should have been fighting for us instead of for myself, and forgiving instead of thinking of words I couldn’t take back. Our situation might be unique, as in not everyone starts off marriage with big loss like we did; but, what I have come to realize is that hard, big or small, is still hard. Honestly, our miscarriage felt just as hard as losing my -very much alive- best friend. Losing my mother in-law to cancer felt just as hard as having my own mother diagnosed and now living with cancer. Having a sick kid felt just as hard as a bad work meeting. What I mean by sharing these examples from my own life, is that each and everyone of those situations brought hardship and sadness into my marriage. They were all life pivoting, and had we allowed them to come between us, it would of eventually destroyed my relationship with my husband. However, it was after I had two children of my own that I realized that grief isn’t the only communication killer. Busyness is just as guilty. It was then that I finally understood why and how some marriages fail. Without sounding too harsh here, being someone’s partner for X amount of time does not give the right to stop trying, to stop communicating, or to stop caring- period.
It was when I truly started focusing on my relationship and who my partner was, instead of who I wanted or what I thought our marriage should look like, that we were able to feel connected and content in ways we hadn’t before. It was when I started appreciating him and our current life and showing up for my marriage every day no matter what, especially in the hard moments, that has really “made us work” for seven years now and counting.
Comments
Post a Comment