MOM Guilt
My goal is to eventually write about some of the changes I’m making this year, but for now I will start with a less harder personal change to share- mom guilt. Even before the new year started I decided that the first change I needed to make was eliminating my mom guilt all together. Mind you that most days I am with my children 24 hours a day, which is a huge privilege, but it can also leave so much room for unwanted feelings to seep in because I’m rarely away from them; which I’m also mindful is a different type of guilt in comparison to working moms- I feel for you! More often than not, I was going to bed feeling less than. Less than for getting mad again over toys not getting cleaned up, less than for taking care of the needs of my nanny kiddos first, less than for wanting to sit with my husband on the couch instead of playing upstairs, and, my personal favorite, less than for taking some time away at the gym. It really doesn’t take a whole lot before my mind is making my heart feel awful. Many times in Ava’s first years I would feel like she deserved more from me as a mom. I thought if I forced myself to play more or buy more of what I thought she wanted, that it would make me a better version of the mom I wanted to be. Or thought I needed to be. Can I just add, why in the heck are we so hard on ourselves as moms?!
From the moment Ava came into this world, I quickly found out what mom guilt meant, but better yet, what it felt like. Nothing makes you feel more helpless than a helpless and crying newborn! It wasn’t until after I had Olive though, that the thought of letting my guilt go came to mind. It started with choosing to not breastfeed; which leaves the flood gates for guilt and even judgment wide open by the way. Why I chose not to the second time around could honestly have it’s own page here, but what I will say is that, once I made it, I wasn’t going to let anyone and especially myself beat me up about it. I have never had to be so strong about a personal choice before in my life, but I did it. I stayed behind what I still believe to be the best decision for us. Once I found out that I could be that strong, the rest of the mom guilt triggers had to go too. Are there days where it still trys to sneak in, you bet! But I stop it in it’s tracks. I simply don’t let my mind take me there. Its through every mistake I make as a mom, that I am so much better for it. I no longer have to force myself to play with my kids, or feel the need to buy them new toys to fill a void that I believed was there. I now live with the intentions of being present and try to do my best every day. I stopped letting my guilt and even letting others control how I felt as a mother- period. I may still be an average mother, but I’m a much happier one!
From the moment Ava came into this world, I quickly found out what mom guilt meant, but better yet, what it felt like. Nothing makes you feel more helpless than a helpless and crying newborn! It wasn’t until after I had Olive though, that the thought of letting my guilt go came to mind. It started with choosing to not breastfeed; which leaves the flood gates for guilt and even judgment wide open by the way. Why I chose not to the second time around could honestly have it’s own page here, but what I will say is that, once I made it, I wasn’t going to let anyone and especially myself beat me up about it. I have never had to be so strong about a personal choice before in my life, but I did it. I stayed behind what I still believe to be the best decision for us. Once I found out that I could be that strong, the rest of the mom guilt triggers had to go too. Are there days where it still trys to sneak in, you bet! But I stop it in it’s tracks. I simply don’t let my mind take me there. Its through every mistake I make as a mom, that I am so much better for it. I no longer have to force myself to play with my kids, or feel the need to buy them new toys to fill a void that I believed was there. I now live with the intentions of being present and try to do my best every day. I stopped letting my guilt and even letting others control how I felt as a mother- period. I may still be an average mother, but I’m a much happier one!
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